Friday, May 4, 2012

Proverbial Heart, Proverbial Sleeve

Our small town is blessed with one heck of a food co-op. I wanted to make bean soup and cornbread from scratch, so I needed to pick up some ingredients for my new healthy recipes. And of course I ended up buying other items that weren't on my list; like organic strawberries and organic this and organic that.
The Co-op even has Muffin-Tops... what next?1?

A dear family friend, that is like a grandma to my husband and I (aka framily), volunteers as a cashier each Wednesday afternoon at the co-op. This particular Wednesday was extraordinarily warm and beautiful for April. The front door of the co-op was wide open to allow the fresh air in. My step was light, and my smile was big as I greeted my framily. It was nice to get to visit with our Granny, but I couldn't help but lay my gaze upon the gal 10 feet behind Granny who was visibly upset. She appeared to be my age, perhaps a bit older. She wiped tears from her eyes, while another woman consoled her. Both women are familiar, which  is so common, living in a small town and all. 

I asked Granny if she knew what was going on, "Why is she so upset?" I couldn't stop looking. 

"Oh, yes, she's fine. There was a customer who had said some things they shouldn't have said while she was checking them out...." 

Me still looking and now shaking my head in disgust at the thought of a rude anybody. 

"She has Aspergers, so she is more sensitive than most."

Our conversation ended because Granny needed to tend to her cashier duties, and I needed to get my organic goodies. I took my time doing my grocery shopping, which is such a gift in itself, since I'm usually in a hurry.

I'm nearly to the end of my grocery list and the distraught woman was now back at her post as a volunteer cashier. I couldn't help but over hear the distraught woman tell her current customer of her plight  with the rude customer from earlier. Apparently the rude customer got upset at her because the co-op doesn't take debit or credit cards. This no plastic thing is posted multiple places through out the co-op, and as you and your dog knows, that is no reason to yell at someone or say unkind words.  The customer being checked out validated our upset cashier by saying how ridiculous that is, and no one should behave that way... and then the customer said, "And you need to get some tougher skin... you can't let things like that get to you..."

I found myself thinking that this customer full of validation and advice obviously didn't realize she (and I'm sorry I don't have a name and I don't want to assign a name so she is staying "she") has Aspergers...

This series of events made me stop and think; so much so that I stopped my shopping, searched my chaotic purse for my favorite pen, and scribbled some words in my planner (aka brain). 

Aspergers or not, I could/can relate. As much as I hate it, I tend to wear my proverbial heart on my proverbial sleeve. Her heart hurt and she was coping the only way she knew how. She was being real and honest with what she was feeling at that very moment. She doesn't know how to do the "plastic smile" and mumble the "Hi, how are you?" bull poop. 

I stood in the co-op in awe and tried to absorb as many lessons as I could from the brief exchange of events. 


Gosh I've been there. Drenched in hurt and pain from unkind words. And if you're not careful, unkind words can haunt you until despair...


A post I wrote a few months ago called "Fear & Gratitude", ironically became a source for extremely painful words and accusations from one individual with whom I was considerably close. I've been avoiding my blog. I've questioned my boldness in proclaiming that "God is love"; not because God has changed but because my courage was squandered. I questioned every post or tweet or status update I had ever shared about our Heavenly Father. Truly and sincerely, shame on me for giving Satan the pleasure!!!

It's truly incredible, and a bit beyond comprehension, how God can use painful words and turn them into indispensable lessons. Just like the scene at the co-op. Although my lesson took weeks, not just a few minutes.

GRACE. I desperately need it... as much as I need it, I need to also give it.

Luke 23:34 "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing..." 

Need I say more?


This is me, not editing or deleting past posts. This is me, not seeking your validation. This is me, needing grace. This is me, learning forgiveness. This is me, moving on...

This is me, lovin' a God who risks it all for His kids.

Getting the courage to once again sign: 
God is love,

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