So I have become that person on Facebook... you know, that person who is always there, somehow liking status updates all day. I use to wonder about people like me, "Don't they have other things they need to be doing? How are they on Facebook so much?"
Be careful what you ask, because before you know it, you might live your answer.
I recently moved across the country to Tennessee from Oregon; I'm a country away from most of our family and friends. Perhaps this is why I've become a Facebook addict. I don't really like analyzing this phenomena, so let's move on...
With all the time that I've spent on Facebook the past few weeks, you might as well call me a Facebook expert... (how did it come to this so quickly...) and being the expert that I am, I have come up with 5 suggestions for the average Facebook user:
1. Don't Post Sh**. Literally.
The other day I posted a status update that said this:
"Just cleaned up my cat's diarrhea for the second morning in a row. Considered taking a picture and sharing it with you all, but decided not to. You're welcome."
I just knew that my friend and fellow cat lover Rebecca would think it's hilarious. But then I realized two things 1) she cleans her baby's poop every day and mentions nothing. 2) I should probably just text Rebecca.
Then I started thinking about all my friends who are nurses (especially the ones that work at nursing homes), and all my other friends who have babies... and what would Facebook be like if they all shared their daily interactions with poop... or worse.... Turns out poop isn't a big deal and should be kept to oneself.
I deleted my status update and thought about people's interactions with poop the rest of the day. Learned that lesson!
2. Facebook is Great if You Lose Your Dog.
Because of Facebook (& other factors which you can read about here) I was able to find my dog in 24 hours.
But Facebook is not so good if you lose your keys, cell phone, money, or mind. Not much help there as it turns out.
3. People Are Watching You Watch.
I'm not sure why, but some video watching applications on Facebook allow everyone to see what videos people watch.
Am I the only one disturbed by the amount of people who watched the video about big zits? If you must watch stuff like that then please go over to YouTube, so I don't have to be embarrassed for you.
4. Last Logged In
Facebook should really have a "Last Logged In" function for every Facebook user. That way we could figure out who is a Facebook stalker (never posts, just looks) and who never logs on. I think I could clean up my Facebook friend list this way. We all have friends that claim they are never on Facebook but yet somehow know everything that has been posted... if you're a Facebook stalker, that's cool with me, just own up to it... That's all I ask. Openly admitting your addictions is the first step to recovery after all (thus this blog post.... *big sigh, head hung low*)
If this function were available, it would also have to have an option that said "Has Been Logged on Since..." for folks who have been logged on for over 3 hours. This would help us decipher the folks that never get off of Facebook.
So mine would say "Last Logged in 5 Minutes Ago" and it would almost continually say that because I'm constantly logging on through out the day and staying logged in for just a few minutes. This function would really help my addiction because it would then become like a game to see how long I could go without logging in. By the way, I need a job.
5. Facebook is What You Make of It.
If Facebook is a place that you choose to share the crazy drama in your life, then so be it. If it's a place to share your political beliefs in a cruel way, then so be it. If Facebook is a place that you choose to be a salesman, then so be it. Just know that I will block your updates from my feed, because I get embarrassed for you.
For me, Facebook is a place to connect with family and friends from all over the world. A place to share my life and my love for the Lord. It's ok if you block my updates in your feed, but just know, you might miss a diarrhea post... and some really good Bible verses.
Lighten up already. It's just Facebook.
Oh. Ok.
God is love,
Vanessa the addict
PS. Let's try to limit the self portraits on Facebook to 3 a day, I get embarrassed for you. Duck lips need to be less. Ok I'm done.
The power went out at work on the last working day of the year. Ironic? Perhaps. Some said the power outage was due to a blown transformer box, while others said it was caused by a telephone pole that fell over. I still have no idea what caused the outage. But I DO know what NOT to do when the power goes out at work.
I work at a growing doctors office. All of our charting is done on computers, which *surprise* requires electricity. We also need some sort of internet connection (it might be called something else, not really sure) to chart, which also requires electricity.
***For the record: I am very thankful for my job. I work at one of the best places in my small "city" (if not THE BEST).***
Now without further ado; here are the top 4 things of what NOT to do when the power goes out at work:
4. Eat. I pretty much eat all day long at work. I eat more when I am at work than I do when not at work. (Feel free to psychoanalyze this behavior pattern and get back to me with what you come up with.) When the provider that I work for and I weren't really sure what to do with ourselves, because there was at least 20 minutes until our next patient, she couldn't chart, I couldn't call patients or fill prescriptions etc... I proudly proclaimed, "I know what I can do!" She replied with a not-too-excited "What?" Me, about to jump up and down "Eat! I could eat!" Off to the break-room I went. I arrived at the break room and realized I needed some sort of light to see what the hay I was doing. So back to my desk to get my cell phone to use as a flashlight, and then back to the break-room. It went like this: Retrieve cereal I keep in cupboard; check! Open refrigerator, and be surprised that the refrigerator light didn't come on, and then retrieve rice milk; check! Make a small mess trying to pour cereal in cup and hold flashlight cell phone at the same time; check! Go back to workstation and eat cereal, check! Disappointed that this only took maybe 5 or 6 minutes, check!
3. Get excited. What's wrong with excitement you ask? Usually nothing but it's probably not a good idea to be excited with anticipation of going home a bit early on you last working day of the year (which by the way was a Friday Dec, 30. Friday folks). If you don't get excited, you won't be disappointed when the electricity is restored.
2. Bible verses. Contemplate all the different Bible verses that apply to light and darkness. There's gotta be at least a hundred verses. Genesis 1:3 "Then God said, 'Let there be light'; and there was light." Then derive several different spiritual lessons from the verses combined with the experience and think multiple times "I could write a blog post about this!"
And now.... drum roll please.... the long awaited number one thing to NOT do when the power goes out at work:
1. 80s music. Come up with random 80s songs (or even better, songs from the 70s) that fit the situation and share them with others (mostly your close friends that you work with) and then precede to sing them so that they are stuck in your head for days to come. And for your listening pleasure, I have generously included them below (you can thank me later, cards appreciated):
I can't take credit for "Sunglasses at Night" my amigo Jordan came up with that one all on her own.
The power outage was quite the learning experience (as you may have noticed by now). We did see patients in the dark and did a bit of charting the old fashion way. The power was out for somewhere between 30 & 60 minutes. In retrospect, next time I'm going to be more proactive in convincing my provider that "We got this! If providers can see patients in Zimbabwe, then we can totally see patients without electricity and computers!"
May the light be with you!
