Anxious? Understatement!
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God is love,
Vanessa
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Monday, May 7, 2012
A Memory Verse a Week for the Weak: Philippians 4:6-7
In less than 28 days, on June 4, I am moving 22 hundred miles away to chase dreams and degrees.
Anxious? Understatement!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Anxious? Understatement!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Fear & Gratitude
My Superhero woke up long before me this morning. I'm actually not sure when he woke up, but it was long enough to eat breakfast and study his Bible. He did his usual smoother-me-with-kisses round only once this morning (he usually does that at least twice).
I partially woke up to the sound of my Superhero telling our Saint that he can't go with him today. I hear the Saint whimpering loud and pathetic like and the back door about to shut. I holler for the Superhero.
"Yeah Babe?" says my Superhero.
"Are you taking Poco with you today?"
Still hollering from the back porch to our bedroom (which isn't that far by any stretch of the imagination), "No. He's in trouble, he wouldn't eat his pills."
"Please take him." I'm thinking of how hard it is for me to listen to our huge Saint pace the house back and forth, longing to be with "Dad"( a.k.a. go for a pick up ride).
My Superhero says something back, but I can't understand him, because I'm only half awake. Then he shuts the door.
I half holler again, "Ryan".
He doesn't come back. I think it's because he probably thinks I'm going to try to convince him to take our Saint and how he doesn't like to tell either of us "No". It's probably because he didn't hear me. I stir in bed, wondering if he took his cell phone (the reason for my final holler).
My Superhero is traveling over mountain ranges and two hours away, and pulling a trailer full of tools. I'm concerned because he had done a bunch of work to his 19 year old pick up and trailer yesterday.
I somehow convince our Saint to lay down. He lies as close to me as possible, on our floor, beside our bed. I reassure myself that my Superhero probably has his phone, even though it was put in a funny spot last night, and I try to fall back asleep to the sound of my dog's disappointment.
Instead I toss and turn. The dog's disappointment is heavy and my bladder is full. Stumbling to the bathroom, eyes half open, cat at my feet, dog at my side; I see the pills laying on the floor, which now suit as a reminder of my dog's disobedience and disappointment, and my rise before the sun.
Marching back to the bedroom, I notice the Superhero's phone on the kitchen table. Suddenly my heart races and my mind flashes with scenes of Ryan stranded on the top of a cold snowy mountain without a phone.
An assortment of "What if..." zoom through my brain like a fierce freight train, as I'm putting on my clothes.
What if... my Superhero dies? My worse fear emerges. A fear I entertain all too often. I rationalize the fear, because my Superhero is much too good for this old rotten world..... and me....
My dog is all kinds of excited because he gets to go on a pick up ride.
I speed to Carter's where he feeds 40ish horses for a friend every morning. I watch every vehicle that goes by, in case it is my Superhero coming for his phone. I get to Carter's to find out that I missed my Superhero by five minutes. I'm full of all kinds of regret for not calling their house and waking Mrs. Carter to relay me urgent message; the consequences of that seem much better than what may happen to my Superhero.
I exchange a few hollow words with Mr. Carter because all I can think about it my Superhero. I wish Mr. Carter a good day and speed away. I hurry home in case I somehow missed my Superhero in passing and he wants his phone. I seriously consider driving towards my Superhero's destination. I think I could possibly catch up with him, since he is pulling a trailer. No, "that is crazy", I decide.
Pulling into our driveway I think, "I should have chased him". I would only go as far as the next town over. It'd be a good excuse to go to their Starbucks. Plus, how romantic would it be if I did catch up with my superhero on top of a mountain or something.
I sit in my pick up and watch a jack rabbit (actually have no idea what type of rabbit) hop around our yard and driveway. I almost snag a picture of him with my phone. He is a fat, dark, and handsome rabbit (I have no idea if it's a he). He hops to underneath my pick up. My fat, dark, and handsome cat watches the rabbit intensely, until a bird flies above his head. I'm gently reminded of a Bible verse in that split second that our cat moves his eyes to the bird, and back to the rabbit.
I partially woke up to the sound of my Superhero telling our Saint that he can't go with him today. I hear the Saint whimpering loud and pathetic like and the back door about to shut. I holler for the Superhero.
"Yeah Babe?" says my Superhero.
"Are you taking Poco with you today?"
Still hollering from the back porch to our bedroom (which isn't that far by any stretch of the imagination), "No. He's in trouble, he wouldn't eat his pills."
"Please take him." I'm thinking of how hard it is for me to listen to our huge Saint pace the house back and forth, longing to be with "Dad"( a.k.a. go for a pick up ride).
My Superhero says something back, but I can't understand him, because I'm only half awake. Then he shuts the door.
I half holler again, "Ryan".
He doesn't come back. I think it's because he probably thinks I'm going to try to convince him to take our Saint and how he doesn't like to tell either of us "No". It's probably because he didn't hear me. I stir in bed, wondering if he took his cell phone (the reason for my final holler).
My Superhero is traveling over mountain ranges and two hours away, and pulling a trailer full of tools. I'm concerned because he had done a bunch of work to his 19 year old pick up and trailer yesterday.
I somehow convince our Saint to lay down. He lies as close to me as possible, on our floor, beside our bed. I reassure myself that my Superhero probably has his phone, even though it was put in a funny spot last night, and I try to fall back asleep to the sound of my dog's disappointment.
Instead I toss and turn. The dog's disappointment is heavy and my bladder is full. Stumbling to the bathroom, eyes half open, cat at my feet, dog at my side; I see the pills laying on the floor, which now suit as a reminder of my dog's disobedience and disappointment, and my rise before the sun.
Marching back to the bedroom, I notice the Superhero's phone on the kitchen table. Suddenly my heart races and my mind flashes with scenes of Ryan stranded on the top of a cold snowy mountain without a phone.
An assortment of "What if..." zoom through my brain like a fierce freight train, as I'm putting on my clothes.
What if... my Superhero dies? My worse fear emerges. A fear I entertain all too often. I rationalize the fear, because my Superhero is much too good for this old rotten world..... and me....
My dog is all kinds of excited because he gets to go on a pick up ride.
I speed to Carter's where he feeds 40ish horses for a friend every morning. I watch every vehicle that goes by, in case it is my Superhero coming for his phone. I get to Carter's to find out that I missed my Superhero by five minutes. I'm full of all kinds of regret for not calling their house and waking Mrs. Carter to relay me urgent message; the consequences of that seem much better than what may happen to my Superhero.
Pulling into our driveway I think, "I should have chased him". I would only go as far as the next town over. It'd be a good excuse to go to their Starbucks. Plus, how romantic would it be if I did catch up with my superhero on top of a mountain or something.
I sit in my pick up and watch a jack rabbit (actually have no idea what type of rabbit) hop around our yard and driveway. I almost snag a picture of him with my phone. He is a fat, dark, and handsome rabbit (I have no idea if it's a he). He hops to underneath my pick up. My fat, dark, and handsome cat watches the rabbit intensely, until a bird flies above his head. I'm gently reminded of a Bible verse in that split second that our cat moves his eyes to the bird, and back to the rabbit.
"Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" Matthew 6:26-27
I don't want to get out of my pick up because there is a rabbit under it.
When did I become such a worry wart? When did I become so afraid? Why does fear paralyze me so?
When did fear devour me, and then leave me as a survivor... someone who just survives this world...
And since when does not having a phone come any where close to death?
What kind of Superhero needs a cell phone anyway?
Am I actually concerned about my Superhero being stranded on a mountain? Or am I terrified of having to function an entire day w/o having him a button away? Yes, that just came out.
Do I answer his phone when people call? I don't even answer my phone!
Fear. It's so ridiculous, yet I subscribe to it all too often. God's been bringing this weakness to my attention lately. I have been amazed at how much fear is a motivating factor in the decisions that I do or do not make.
Fear of what people think. Fear of what might happen.
I go to the gym because I'm afraid of getting fat. Not because it's good for me, I enjoy it once I get started, or because it makes me feel good.
Recently I read or heard somewhere (I can't remember where) that "Fear" is one of the most common topics that God covers in the Bible. So I did a little searching myself. Bibleinfo.com has an inclusive list of verses on the topic, please read for yourself by clicking here.
" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV.
I lost my sound mind the moment I found my Superhero's phone.
Why is it so easy for me to forget to trust the One that takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field (Matthew 6:25-34)? Perhaps I forget because I can't always see My Maker, but I do easily see the pain and suffering this world dishes out.
Recently I read a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, which has eloquently provided a solution for my fear problem. Voskamp writes beautifully of a life that is thankful no matter what, even in the midst of life's awful ugly. Like Voskamp points out, when you are looking for things to be thankful for, you are too busy being thankful to be fearful. And in the absence of fear is trust.
At the risk at sounding dramatic, the book has truly changed my life, honestly. It (and God to name a couple) are teaching me to be present, which is something that I am frequently struggling to do.
The book has made such an impact on me (and after prayer and consideration), that I'm going to offer a small study in my home on the book and on thankfulness. I'm going to call the study "Living Gratitude".
*I'd also like to invite you, my reader (and my loved one across the globe), to the study via my blog (not my home, sorry my house is too small to fit you all).... I plan to share most of what is covered in the small study group here on my blog...
***So will you join me in "Living Gratitude"?***
The first study is planned to launch Tuesday March 13. So that means you need to order the book soon! If you live in my neck of the woods, and want to order through me via Blessings Unlimited, the shipping is free. You will also need a journal. Voskamp has created a beautiful journal to go with the book, but it isn't necessary for the study. A journal of some kind is necessary however.
I'm busy. Crazy stupid busy. My plate and schedule are full. However, recently I have discovered that I'm too busy not to include things like this in my life, because this is exactly what keeps my heart full and my days in the light. But I'd sure appreciate your partnership in prayer about this study, the small study group, and my overflowing plate.
I'm really thankful for you taking the time to read my posts. Please email me or comment to let me know if you are going to join me in "Living Gratitude".
Blessings!
God is love,
Vanessa
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
11 Ways to Achieve Ultimate Peace in Just 90 Days
Recently I have experienced ~PEACE~ in a way that I never have before. Are you curious how YOU also can experience **ULTIMATE PEACE**? Well you have come to the right place... Included in this blog... are 11 ways to achieve PEACE.
#1. Be sure to have a mentor in your life. Someone that encourages you and cares about you. I found that the best type of mentor is the friend that is kinda like a "Grandpa-teacher-forever young at heart-down to earth-can communicate with you by just looks, no words needed-go to for advice" type. Establish a lasting relationship with this person. Then, when you least expect it.... BRAIN TUMOR. Yep your mentor needs to be diagnosed with a brain tumor. And then... DIE within two weeks of diagnosis.
#2. Two days after your mentors funeral... rush to you friends side after you receive a phone call form her in which she states that she has been .:SEVERELY BURNED:. Arrive at friends side... determine instantly that she needs to go to the hospital.. not in a personal car but VIA AMBULANCE. Then convince her five children that it's ok to leave their MOMMA'S SIDE <3 Drive children away before they see their momma taken out on a stretcher...
#3. (I realize that this may seem really depressing but please keep reading... there is a happy ending. I PROMISE.) Upon your return from taking children to a burn unit five hours away so they can see their mother<<<<<<<<<VOMIT VIOLENTLY.. preferably while sitting on the toilet (not because it's comfy but because it catches other fluids coming from other ORPHEUS simultaneously as you VOMIT VIOLENTLY.) Don't do this just once. Do this at least twice an hour for 12 HOURS STRAIGHT>>>>>>>>
#4. Invite an 18 year old to move into your ONE BEDROOM HOUSE. Why you ask? PEACE of course. And because this option is the BEST OPTION. PERIOD.... pErIoD.
#5. Fight off a HORRIBLE UPPER RESPIRATORY nastiness. LOSE FIGHT. SHARE WITH HUSBAND. Repeat once or TWICE.
#6. MULTI-TASK. No I don't think you understand... I mean MULTI-TASK... Make sure you are on multiple committees, involved in groups...Even better LEAD THEM. Be the treasurer of something. DO book-keeping for a business... better yet YOUR BUSINESS. Go to meetings... church meetings, work meetings... dog meetings.... at least 5 nights a week for a month. Because you never know... someone's SALVATION might depend on YOU ATTENDING A MEETING. Go to school... Scratch that.. GO TO COLLEGE. laundry. dishes. MINISTRY. No ministrieS. Wife/husband. Daughter/son. Family. Bills. FrIeNdS? And work part time (minimum).
#7. Oh yeah. I almost forgot. While you are loading your mentor in the car so he can get treatment for his brain tumor in the big city... GET AN URGENT CALL saying your mother is in the EMERGENCY RoOm with a kidney stone attack. And then get a phone call a few days later from your mother... letting you know that she has LOST HER JOB... again...
#8. Watch the news. Once a month is plenty.
#9. Have lots of FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES... so that you can pray about their CRISIS. Because after-all who doesn't have something HORRIBLE going on in their life somehow (right this very second)?
#10. Don't sleep or exercise. Not by choice but by SURVIVAL.
#11. KEEP YOUR FAITH IN JESUS DESPITE STEPS 1-10 (or actually IN-SPITE). <<<You saw this coming, didn't you?>>>
Numbers 1-10 happened to me in less than 90 days. I purposely made what happened sound horrible. It was HORRIBLE. AWFUL. AWFULLY HORRIBLE. Truth is, some of them were much worse and much more involved than I described. #1 and #2 especially. And I realize that there are people in this world (possibly billions) that experience life much worse (maybe even a BILLION times WORSE) for ****YEARS**** (compared to my wimpy 90 days).
The God that I believe in... is a God of LOVE.... out-of-this-world-love... crazy lOVE... more than your first-love LOVE. Therefore, I do not believe that God causes horrible, awful, or awfully horrible things to happen. I just don't believe it. And I never will. Plus I believe a thorough Bible study would prove as much (this statement is based on the premises that you're open to such a Bible study). ###1 John 4:16 for starters.### (No, not everyone has to believe the same way I do. And no, I don't think you are wrong for believing different. Please grant me the same grace.)
But I do believe He (note the capital H) allows things to happen... (the word consequences would be added to this conversation... a conversation that I don't want to finish here... Well not now anyway).
God allowed me to reach a place where I *LITERALLY* could NoT worry anymore. Simply COULD NOT worry. Excuse me... I CAN NOT worry. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and several other "ally"s (or is it "allies") I just couldn't or can't do it any longer.
I reached a place where I MUST pray "God, this is your problem. You can handle (blank). I can not." yeah, sure I sometimes add in "Use me if need be" Or "show me what I can do." but ultimately it's now "All You" Capital Y because I'm talking to the Big Guy Upstairs. The least I can do is give HIM some capitals (He may not care but I do. RESPECT)
Finally... the point to this long blog post.... "6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
#1. Be sure to have a mentor in your life. Someone that encourages you and cares about you. I found that the best type of mentor is the friend that is kinda like a "Grandpa-teacher-forever young at heart-down to earth-can communicate with you by just looks, no words needed-go to for advice" type. Establish a lasting relationship with this person. Then, when you least expect it.... BRAIN TUMOR. Yep your mentor needs to be diagnosed with a brain tumor. And then... DIE within two weeks of diagnosis.
#2. Two days after your mentors funeral... rush to you friends side after you receive a phone call form her in which she states that she has been .:SEVERELY BURNED:. Arrive at friends side... determine instantly that she needs to go to the hospital.. not in a personal car but VIA AMBULANCE. Then convince her five children that it's ok to leave their MOMMA'S SIDE <3 Drive children away before they see their momma taken out on a stretcher...
#3. (I realize that this may seem really depressing but please keep reading... there is a happy ending. I PROMISE.) Upon your return from taking children to a burn unit five hours away so they can see their mother<<<<<<<<<VOMIT VIOLENTLY.. preferably while sitting on the toilet (not because it's comfy but because it catches other fluids coming from other ORPHEUS simultaneously as you VOMIT VIOLENTLY.) Don't do this just once. Do this at least twice an hour for 12 HOURS STRAIGHT>>>>>>>>
#4. Invite an 18 year old to move into your ONE BEDROOM HOUSE. Why you ask? PEACE of course. And because this option is the BEST OPTION. PERIOD.... pErIoD.
#5. Fight off a HORRIBLE UPPER RESPIRATORY nastiness. LOSE FIGHT. SHARE WITH HUSBAND. Repeat once or TWICE.
#6. MULTI-TASK. No I don't think you understand... I mean MULTI-TASK... Make sure you are on multiple committees, involved in groups...Even better LEAD THEM. Be the treasurer of something. DO book-keeping for a business... better yet YOUR BUSINESS. Go to meetings... church meetings, work meetings... dog meetings.... at least 5 nights a week for a month. Because you never know... someone's SALVATION might depend on YOU ATTENDING A MEETING. Go to school... Scratch that.. GO TO COLLEGE. laundry. dishes. MINISTRY. No ministrieS. Wife/husband. Daughter/son. Family. Bills. FrIeNdS? And work part time (minimum).
#7. Oh yeah. I almost forgot. While you are loading your mentor in the car so he can get treatment for his brain tumor in the big city... GET AN URGENT CALL saying your mother is in the EMERGENCY RoOm with a kidney stone attack. And then get a phone call a few days later from your mother... letting you know that she has LOST HER JOB... again...
#8. Watch the news. Once a month is plenty.
#9. Have lots of FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES... so that you can pray about their CRISIS. Because after-all who doesn't have something HORRIBLE going on in their life somehow (right this very second)?
#10. Don't sleep or exercise. Not by choice but by SURVIVAL.
#11. KEEP YOUR FAITH IN JESUS DESPITE STEPS 1-10 (or actually IN-SPITE). <<<You saw this coming, didn't you?>>>
Numbers 1-10 happened to me in less than 90 days. I purposely made what happened sound horrible. It was HORRIBLE. AWFUL. AWFULLY HORRIBLE. Truth is, some of them were much worse and much more involved than I described. #1 and #2 especially. And I realize that there are people in this world (possibly billions) that experience life much worse (maybe even a BILLION times WORSE) for ****YEARS**** (compared to my wimpy 90 days).
The God that I believe in... is a God of LOVE.... out-of-this-world-love... crazy lOVE... more than your first-love LOVE. Therefore, I do not believe that God causes horrible, awful, or awfully horrible things to happen. I just don't believe it. And I never will. Plus I believe a thorough Bible study would prove as much (this statement is based on the premises that you're open to such a Bible study). ###1 John 4:16 for starters.### (No, not everyone has to believe the same way I do. And no, I don't think you are wrong for believing different. Please grant me the same grace.)
But I do believe He (note the capital H) allows things to happen... (the word consequences would be added to this conversation... a conversation that I don't want to finish here... Well not now anyway).
God allowed me to reach a place where I *LITERALLY* could NoT worry anymore. Simply COULD NOT worry. Excuse me... I CAN NOT worry. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and several other "ally"s (or is it "allies") I just couldn't or can't do it any longer.
I reached a place where I MUST pray "God, this is your problem. You can handle (blank). I can not." yeah, sure I sometimes add in "Use me if need be" Or "show me what I can do." but ultimately it's now "All You" Capital Y because I'm talking to the Big Guy Upstairs. The least I can do is give HIM some capitals (He may not care but I do. RESPECT)
Finally... the point to this long blog post.... "6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you." Phillipians 4:6-9
I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't trade this peace for anything. Not even to have my friend Blaine (see #1) back (as huge tears well up in my eyes). I'm praying that this peace LASTS. I realize that means God might allow more horrible in my life to maintain this reliance and peace. And I'm ok with that, that's what i've signed up for... whatever it takes.
Listen, I want to hear from YOU THE READER! What has God allowed in your life to give you PEACE? How is God working in your life NOW? What is your source of encouragement? Please answer these questions by commenting below. Got prayer requests?
Thanks for reading and God Bless!
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