Proverbial Heart, Proverbial Sleeve

Our small town is blessed with one heck of a food co-op. I wanted to make bean soup and cornbread from scratch, so I needed to pick up some ingredients for my new healthy recipes. And of course I ended up buying other items that weren't on my list; like organic strawberries and organic this and organic that.

The Co-op even has Muffin-Tops... what next?1?

A dear family friend, that is like a grandma to my husband and I (aka framily), volunteers as a cashier each Wednesday afternoon at the co-op. This particular Wednesday was extraordinarily warm and beautiful for April. The front door of the co-op was wide open to allow the fresh air in. My step was light, and my smile was big as I greeted my framily. It was nice to get to visit with our Granny, but I couldn't help but lay my gaze upon the gal 10 feet behind Granny who was visibly upset. She appeared to be my age, perhaps a bit older. She wiped tears from her eyes, while another woman consoled her. Both women are familiar, which  is so common, living in a small town and all. 

I asked Granny if she knew what was going on, "Why is she so upset?" I couldn't stop looking. 

"Oh, yes, she's fine. There was a customer who had said some things they shouldn't have said while she was checking them out...." 

Me still looking and now shaking my head in disgust at the thought of a rude anybody. 

"She has Aspergers, so she is more sensitive than most."

Our conversation ended because Granny needed to tend to her cashier duties, and I needed to get my organic goodies. I took my time doing my grocery shopping, which is such a gift in itself, since I'm usually in a hurry.

I'm nearly to the end of my grocery list and the distraught woman was now back at her post as a volunteer cashier. I couldn't help but over hear the distraught woman tell her current customer of her plight  with the rude customer from earlier. Apparently the rude customer got upset at her because the co-op doesn't take debit or credit cards. This no plastic thing is posted multiple places through out the co-op, and as you and your dog knows, that is no reason to yell at someone or say unkind words.  The customer being checked out validated our upset cashier by saying how ridiculous that is, and no one should behave that way... and then the customer said, "And you need to get some tougher skin... you can't let things like that get to you..."

I found myself thinking that this customer full of validation and advice obviously didn't realize she (and I'm sorry I don't have a name and I don't want to assign a name so she is staying "she") has Aspergers...

This series of events made me stop and think; so much so that I stopped my shopping, searched my chaotic purse for my favorite pen, and scribbled some words in my planner (aka brain). 

Aspergers or not, I could/can relate. As much as I hate it, I tend to wear my proverbial heart on my proverbial sleeve. Her heart hurt and she was coping the only way she knew how. She was being real and honest with what she was feeling at that very moment. She doesn't know how to do the "plastic smile" and mumble the "Hi, how are you?" bull poop. 

I stood in the co-op in awe and tried to absorb as many lessons as I could from the brief exchange of events. 

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Gosh I've been there. Drenched in hurt and pain from unkind words. And if you're not careful, unkind words can haunt you until despair...

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A post I wrote a few months ago called "Fear & Gratitude", ironically became a source for extremely painful words and accusations from one individual with whom I was considerably close. I've been avoiding my blog. I've questioned my boldness in proclaiming that "God is love"; not because God has changed but because my courage was squandered. I questioned every post or tweet or status update I had ever shared about our Heavenly Father. Truly and sincerely, shame on me for giving Satan the pleasure!!!

It's truly incredible, and a bit beyond comprehension, how God can use painful words and turn them into indispensable lessons. Just like the scene at the co-op. Although my lesson took weeks, not just a few minutes.

GRACE. I desperately need it... as much as I need it, I need to also give it.

Luke 23:34 "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing..." 

Need I say more?

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This is me, not editing or deleting past posts. This is me, not seeking your validation. This is me, needing grace. This is me, learning forgiveness. This is me, moving on...

This is me, lovin' a God who risks it all for His kids.

Getting the courage to once again sign: 

God is love,

Vanessa

Behind The Scenes

Framily: n. 1. a friend that is like family 2. family that is like a friend 3. friend that you are technically related to 4. friend & family

This  definition will help you immensely as you read the remainder of this blog post.

What you are about to see is a picture of my framily Erin, and I  at beautiful Camp Ida-Haven in McCall, Idaho. The occasion was Jaimie and Sam's (other framily of ours) wedding. Erin being the beautiful mom that she is, is holding water bottles for her two kids. Perhaps you noticed the sunglasses on my head; it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day... a perfect day for a wedding in the mountains. And then there are our smiles...

... of course I was excited to see Erin... she being like a big sister/friend/cousin (and I'm not just saying this because she might kill me for using this picture)... we live in different states and our lives are very busy so we don't visit much. Erin was indeed part of the reason for my smile. The other reason for our smiles were caused by what you don't see in the picture. It was the picture-taker (photographer) that created our genuine, almost laughing smiles.

Our framily Blaine Kenney, was the reason to blame for our smiles. It was not the first or last time he was guilty of such crimes. Blaine was a man of many gifts, but perhaps the gift I cherished the most was his ability to make me (and others) smile.

Unfortunately, I have to use past tense words such as, was and had, because Blaine passed away on October 20, 2011... just one day short of two months after the above picture was taken.

Blaine's delight was delighting in others. He was delighted to take our picture. When one knows that she is delighted in... one can't help but smile. Let me say that again, "When one knows that she is delighted in... one can't help but smile."  99% of my interactions with Blaine resulted in a smile.

His genuine love for our Heavenly Father and other human beings reeked from him like a fresh cut pine tree... his genuine loved lingered in the air... which created an atmosphere that one couldn't help but (**long exhale here**) SMILE.

I was also the thankful frequent recipient to Blaine's quick and to the point advice; that often included or  was sometimes limited to, "Let's pray".  Which I would often smile and say "Ok" (What else are you going to say?!?!).

My unedited picture of Faith and Blaine... same day and place as the picture above.

Volumes have been wrote about Blaine's accomplishments while on this earth, and I most certainly  recommend that they be read, but you'll have to wait until you get to heaven to read them. One volume will be titled "Adoring Husband" and another "Proud & Loving Father" and yet another "Teacher"... "Framily"... I know exactly the volume that I'm going to check out once there... It's going to be titled "Behind the Scenes" and the subtitle will read "True Stories of When Blaine Changed Lives One Smile at a Time". It's a good thing I'll have eternity to read it a because it is going to take me a while...... it will have hundreds of chapters... one of which will be of... me.

 "And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth." John 17:3 (NLT)

There is only one way to that I, or anyone else, will ever get to see/hear Blaine again... You need to know Blaine's Friend/Father (framily)... just like Jesus said in John 17:3. 

***Reader, you may have never known Blaine, but I can promise you that he cared about you. And I can promise you that he would want nothing more than to see your SMILE in Heaven. So if you don't know Blaine's Heavenly Father (mine and Erin's Heavenly Father too) like framily... then please message me and I'd be happy to introduce to Him (or get you connected with someone who can introduce you).***

Thanks for reading and if you have a minute please feel free to share (by commenting below) how Blaine has blessed you... or if you didn't know Blaine, share how you intend on helping someone smile today (or comment on both).

Oh and don't forget that "..God is love..." 1 John 4:16