Thursday, July 26, 2012

5 Suggestions For the Average Facebook User {From An Expert}

So I have become that person on Facebook... you know, that person who is always there, somehow liking status updates all day. I use to wonder about people like me, "Don't they have other things they need to be doing? How are they on Facebook so much?"

 Be careful what you ask, because before you know it, you might live your answer. 

I recently moved across the country to Tennessee from Oregon; I'm a country away from most of our family and friends. Perhaps this is why I've become a Facebook addict. I don't really like analyzing this phenomena, so let's move on... 

With all the time that I've spent on Facebook the past few weeks, you might as well call me a Facebook expert... (how did it come to this so quickly...) and being the expert that I am, I have come up with 5 suggestions for the average Facebook user:

1. Don't Post Sh**. Literally. 
The other day I posted a status update that said this: 
"Just cleaned up my cat's diarrhea for the second morning in a row. Considered taking a picture and sharing it with you all, but decided not to. You're welcome."
I just knew that my friend and fellow cat lover Rebecca would think it's hilarious. But then I realized two things 1) she cleans her baby's poop every day and mentions nothing. 2) I should probably just text Rebecca.

Then I started thinking about all my friends who are nurses (especially the ones that work at nursing homes), and all my other friends who have babies... and what would Facebook be like if they all shared their daily interactions with poop... or worse.... Turns out poop isn't a big deal and should be kept to oneself. 

I deleted my status update and thought about people's interactions with poop the rest of the day. Learned that lesson!

2.  Facebook is Great if You Lose Your Dog.

Because of Facebook (& other factors which you can read about here) I was able to find my dog in 24 hours. 

But Facebook is not so good if you lose your keys, cell phone, money, or mind. Not much help there as it turns out.

3. People Are Watching You Watch.

I'm not sure why, but some video watching applications on Facebook allow everyone to see what videos people watch.

Am I the only one disturbed by the amount of people who watched the video about big zits? If you must watch stuff like that then please go over to YouTube, so I don't have to be embarrassed for you.

4. Last Logged In

Facebook should really have a "Last Logged In" function for every Facebook user. That way we could figure out who is a Facebook stalker (never posts, just looks) and who never logs on. I think I could clean up my Facebook friend list this way. We all have friends that claim they are never on Facebook but yet somehow know everything that has been posted... if you're a Facebook stalker, that's cool with me, just own up to it... That's all I ask. Openly admitting your addictions is the first step to recovery after all (thus this blog post.... *big sigh, head hung low*)

If this function were available, it would also have to have an option that said "Has Been Logged on Since..." for folks who have been logged on for over 3 hours. This would help us decipher the folks that never get off of Facebook. 

So mine would say "Last Logged in 5 Minutes Ago" and it would almost continually say that because I'm constantly logging on through out the day and staying logged in for just a few minutes. This function would really help my addiction because it would then become like a game to see how long I could go without logging in. By the way, I need a job. 

5. Facebook is What You Make of It.

If Facebook is a place that you choose to share the crazy drama in your life, then so be it. If it's a place to share your political beliefs in a cruel way, then so be it. If Facebook is a place that you choose to be a salesman, then so be it. Just know that I will block your updates from my feed, because I get embarrassed for you.

For me, Facebook is a place to connect with family and friends from all over the world. A place to share my life and my love for the Lord. It's ok if you block my updates in your feed, but just know, you might miss a diarrhea post... and some really good Bible verses. 

Lighten up already. It's just Facebook.

Oh. Ok.

God is love,
Vanessa the addict 

PS. Let's try to limit the self portraits on Facebook  to 3 a day, I get embarrassed for you. Duck lips need to be less. Ok I'm done.

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